I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
