Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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