i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
