So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
