I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
