question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
