I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
