Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
