I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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