did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
