Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Say something about gay babies.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
be right there i have to get my cape
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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