3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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