I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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