Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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