when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
