Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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