You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
