It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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