Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
