She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
