Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
