uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My balls are so social today.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
