The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
