so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
apparently the secret to your success is patron
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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