My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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