There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
