last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
