i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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