dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
