sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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