I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
