sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
