She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
