How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
