woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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