sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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