Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
