Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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