So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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