nut hugger
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Randomize
