I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
