his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
