I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
NoShamevember. You game?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
