Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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