it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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