Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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