Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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