can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
