the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
