This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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