He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
