I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
