Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
