K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
